I had forgot that Karrueche Tran was going to make a special appearance with Iyanla but when I went on twitter to check my messages, I saw that she was the trending topic and thats what made me turn my tv on and watch.
When we are young girls, we are so vulnerable and naive. We are excited about life and starting to date. So I could imagine how Karrueche felt when she started to date and it just so happen to be a celebrity like Chris Brown lol. I didn’t know that she dated him off and on for four years, either. Iyanla gave her some great advice and kinda got to the root of the problem. Karrueche made up a lot of excuses for Chris and there relationship. She appears to be such a nice young lady but unfortunately these things happen and are apart of life and growing up. I have a young daughter too who is dating and I swear I see this boy every single day at my house lol. I tell Dootie, why are you getting so serious when you are just 17 years old?
She gets so upset with me and says she really likes him but I always stress to her that she is so young to be taking someone so serious, so soon. I remind her of my horror stories with dating and how things didn’t turn out so good with me and my high school boyfriend. After I went off to college, I didn’t care two pennies about him, lol. Her response was, well that was you mom, I’m different.
When you give your daughters dating advice, they swear they are reinventing the wheel or something and that things have changed so much since the “stone age” but little do they know, nothing has really changed but technology and a different way of doing things lol. But they say that experience is the best teacher and I hope that her and her boyfriend really make it but there will be bumps in the road! I try my best to stay out of their business. Time will tell.
I also told my daughter about a guy I dated in my mid-20’s that I was madly in love with. He was my first love(so I thought) and I really felt like I was going to marry this guy. We also dated off and on for four years (like Karreuche) and when we did break up, it was never me, it was always him cheating, lying and doing immature stuff. I couldn’t see straight back then and was pretty naive! My sister couldn’t stand him and would always talk bad about him and tell me things that he was doing and I would turn the other cheek. I didn’t want to know what he was doing that was harming our relationship because I loved him. He could do no wrong in my eyes and I would get angry when other people would tell me things about him. Yes I was in denial. The funny thing is, he was really a sweet guy, not abusive, he was just a womanizer and very irresponsible plus a mamas boy. His mom even warned me about him, telling me several times that I was such a nice girl and that I should really reconsider dating her son. When a guy’s mom tells you something like this, you should run lol!
I still continued to date this guy for years and it just seemed to get worse and worse. I felt like I was suffocating and didn’t know how to get out of it. I lived by myself, had a nice job, I was attractive and had a lot going for myself but this dead-end relationship, I couldnt shake! It was stressing me out and I was extremely depressed. Then one day, someone walked up to me and said, congratulations, I hear you’re having a baby! I looked confused and said, who me? No, I am not having a baby. Come to find out, he got another girl pregnant. I was devastated and I could feel my heart breaking. I couldn’t breathe. I had always dreamed of marrying this guy and having kids…you know, the whole nine. That dream abruptly came to an end. I confronted him and he denied it ofcourse but it all came out later on. He said he was sorry but didn’t know how to tell me. The girl(jump-off) knew about me too, which hurt me even more but she didn’t care. She had the baby and named him after my boyfriend, I was crushed! I tried to stay with him shortly after the baby was born, it just was not the same! Then one day I was talking to him on the phone and the baby started crying, that was it for me!
I became suicidal, felt ugly and ashamed, I couldn’t eat, I lost a lot of weight, I distanced myself from my family & friends and I didn’t want to go to work. I was blaming me for all that happened. I slept balled up on my couch for about 2 weeks, I didn’t take a shower and just cried. Then one day I got up and looked in the mirror and said to myself, Tami you deserve better than this! I suddenly stopped seeing him all together, quit taking his calls and got back out there and started dating again and enjoying life. He found out the news that I was dating and didn’t take it so well. That’s what most men do don’t they? They can do all their dirt but when the table turns, they can’t handle it.
I became stronger and stronger over the years and started feeling more confident about myself. I was enjoying life again and having lots of fun! Boy did that relationship teach me so much. I learned that I needed to focus on me, take care of myself and handle my business and get Tami together! I didn’t look back after that and became a serial dater lol. I was playing by my own rules and having a blast! I had a brand new outlook on life. I didn’t settle down till later on when I met Mr.Reed/Mr.Right and ofcouse you know the rest of the story. I am happily married now for over 17 years with two teens, living in Atlanta and a professional fashion, beauty and lifestyle blogger. Folks, we have all been there and believe it or not, that guy was a blessing in disguise to me because I learned what NOT to deal with in my current relationship and I know my worth now.
Update: I kept having dreams about my old boyfriend for weeks and was wondering how he was doing. I hadn’t heard anything about him in over 20 years. My bestie ran into him back home a few weeks ago and put him on the phone to say hello. He said to me that he had heard I was doing well here in Atlanta and I just said, yep! His son is now 20 years old (I think) and he never stayed with the babies mother. He has aged too wow! xoxo